I'm Back for More Cash: A Tony Kornheiser Collection (Because You Can't Take Two Hundred Newspapers into the Bathroom)

I'm Back for More Cash: A Tony Kornheiser Collection (Because You Can't Take Two Hundred Newspapers into the Bathroom)
ISBN-10
1588360539
ISBN-13
9781588360533
Category
Humor
Pages
400
Language
English
Published
2011-12-07
Publisher
Villard
Author
Tony Kornheiser

Description

I think it’s really cool to be on a jury. Take the O.J. jury—the people on that jury got book deals, and they got on Nightline, and some of them even got to meet Greta Van Susteren! They were always being written about in the newspapers: “Juror No. 1, a thirty-six-year-old Caucasian male with a master’s degree who works for a high-tech corporation.” Throw in a line about how “he likes to hunt and fish,” and you’ve got The Dating Game. I wonder what they’d write about me. “Juror No. 4, a fat, bald, old, whiny Caucasian man who dresses like a vagrant and has complained incessantly about the texture of the toilet paper in the jury lavatory.” I try to diet, but unfortunately I’ve come to the point in life where nearly everything disgusts or disappoints me except food. And so I eat all day long. If I had a family crest, at this point it would be a man with a chicken breast in one hand, a cheeseburger in the other, and a garland of sour-cream-and-onion potato chips around his head. Tony Kornheiser is back. The celebrated Washington Post columnist and ESPN radio and TV personality relates his experience as an OnStar user, a proud new owner of the Ronco Showtime Rotisserie & BBQ, and a “phone-a-friend” on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. And in between, he dishes out political commentary on Monica and Bill and Al and George W. Read all about his quest to fit into size 36 Dockers and his struggle to buy holiday gifts. And know that in the process you’re handing this Kornheiser guy the dough for these columns twice. I got into the stock market late. I was deep in my forties and I still had all my money in the bank, earning 2 percent, like it was low-fat milk. My friends laughed at me. Even the people at the bank laughed at me—they had all their money in the market. So I gave my money to a financial adviser, who promised me he would get me a greater return than the bank. A baboon could do that, Tony. Yes, but would a baboon give me steak knives? —from I’m Back for More Cash

Get the book

Amazon.com
Amazon.com
Search the book
eBay.com
eBay.com
Search the book

Other editions

Similar books

  • Stroke of Midnight
    Stroke of Midnight
    By K. Webster

    WARNING: This book is intended for readers eighteen years old and over. It contains material that some readers could find disturbing. Enter at your own risk.

  • Cottage Lake Soliloquy
    Cottage Lake Soliloquy
    By John E. Shephard Jr.

    Okay. So you'll be here in mid-June.” “Right. I just bought the tickets today. They're cheaper if two weeks away.” “Sure. Okay. I was wondering. That's why I called.” “Well, now you can rest easy. Everything's all set.” “Well, I'm glad ...

  • New England Furies Box Set #1-3: Plus Two Additional Short Stories!
    New England Furies Box Set #1-3: Plus Two Additional Short Stories!
    By Nicola R. White

    Plus Two Additional Short Stories! Nicola R. White Nancy Cassidy ... I left more cash on the bar to cover what I owed, and turned to walk away. ... “I'm not working for another couple nights, so I'm headed back to Hawthorne.

  • Out of My Mind
    Out of My Mind
    By Sharon M. Draper

    "This is an excellent and timely book which makes a major contribution to this branch of science. It brings together information about the workings of hormones that control almost every aspect of insect physiology.

  • I'm Not Flipping Burgers When I'm 70
    I'm Not Flipping Burgers When I'm 70
    By David Mulonas

    Maintenance and cost Owning a cash value policy requires more work to maintain if you choose to make the ... The drawback is policy rules can be complicated especially in the event that you have no intention in paying the money back.

  • Book Review Index
    Book Review Index

    Every 3rd issue is a quarterly cumulation.

  • The Coolest Race on Earth: Mud, Madmen, Glaciers, and Grannies at the Antarctica Marathon
    The Coolest Race on Earth: Mud, Madmen, Glaciers, and Grannies at the Antarctica Marathon
    By John Hanc

    On Scott's two-year Discovery expedition, Crean spent 149 days man-hauling, a remarkable display of endurance and strength in what his biographer calls “the most physically demanding form of travel anywhere on Earth.

  • A Second Chance House
    A Second Chance House
    By Stacey Wilk

    There was more, but he wouldn't push. He took a tentative step toward his son. “I'm sorry, Cash. I'm sorry for everything.” The tears were what made Blaise believe even more. Cash had never cried in front of him.

  • Dead Easy
    Dead Easy
    By Jana Oliver

    He needed to back her off somehow. “I'm thinking sex and money. Two of my most favorite things.” She halted. “Money? ... Well, I want a lot, so I need more cash than he'll give me.” “Why would I pay you anything?” she hedged.

  • I Could Be Killing You
    I Could Be Killing You
    By Jeremy L Main Sr.

    “You can call me God if you want, I don't mind. Don't flatter yourself, brother, I came for you, to finish off this part of me. Maybe when you're gone, I can move on, but until then, I will destroy everything you have.