Safe Word: The One with the Kangaroo in It
- ISBN-10
- 1701116758
- ISBN-13
- 9781701116757
- Series
- Safe Word
- Pages
- 148
- Language
- English
- Published
- 2019-10-19
- Author
- Elizabeth F. Simons
Description
Enjoy the series Hollywood scouts describe as "Tarantino directs Dumb and Dumber."When Max & Louie set out to find...um..."romantic" partners at a bar across the street from an STD clinic, hilarity and adventure ensue. With the aid of their good friend Bobbey the curry chef and martial arts master, they get themselves into everything from drunken bar sex, to a mixed-species MMA match, to a PETA rally in a nonstop cavalcade of rude and loyal adventures.From Chapter Eight:"Where is this bar, Bobbey?" Luie said. He turned back to squint through the windshield at what I was pretty sure was a red light, but he treated like an open Nascar track, including the part about turning left. When we were done shuddering up and back off the curb in front of a flower shop, he said again, "Bobbey?""It's a bit out of town. Take the highway past the old mill.""What the fuck is out there?" I asked. I was staring straight ahead at the road as Luie's car ate up the yellow divider lines like a drunken, weaving Pac-Man, as if somehow my concentration would help keep us on the road. "Probably some moonshiners serving shots in a field someplace," Luie said. "No, lad. It's not really like that," Bobbey said. It sounded like he said it with a mouth full of tongue. "Some kind of speakeasy, like in the 20's?" said Cass. She made little pew-pew noises like she was a gangster in a movie.Bobbey's mouth was empty when he said "No, lass. It's not really like that, either.""It's a brothel," Luie said. "Oh shit. It's a brothel. Is it a brothel?""No my brolapsed rectum, it's no house of ill repute. It's more in the manner of a fight club.""A fight club?" me, Luie, Cass and Constance said more or less at the same time."Aye," Bobbey said. "Do we have to fight?" Cass asked. I couldn't tell whether she sounded more scared or more turned on by the thought. "Nay, lass," Bobbey said. He put one arm around each of the girls and pulled them close. "Lads sign up to have mixed martial arts bouts in the ring and the establishment makes its fortune off gambling and the sale of strong spirits. They run it all in eight-man brackets, single elimination style."Luie said, "Sounds like you've been there before, brontosaurus rex.""Aye, and more than once.""What does the winner get?" Constance asked. "Some kind of trophy?""Why, lass, the winner gets to fight the kangaroo.""I'm sorry," Luie said. "It sounded like you said the winner fights a kangaroo."--In the hilarious tradition of Joe Lansdale, Norma Partridge, Christopher Moore, A. Lee Martinez, and Warren Ellis, these short and punchy stories will have you laughing fit to fart.
